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[Thursday
May 15th, 2008
11:52pm] |
honestly, I dont give a fuck anymore! It's complete bullshat i swear.....
Damn i was reading all my old lj entrys and it made me sad damn it i miss mike bike, megan, christina, even fucking spic and i treated all you guys like shit and im sorry but i miss you..
i get my car thursday or friday pretty fucking stoked cause saturday im driving to cape cod by my self. im excited.... I get to buy my sticker thats the only reason im going lol is the surf shop and chill on the beach and let some stress go... im stoked i cant wait to have my car and to fucking sit in it hahha lol....
blah blah thanks for being everything i knew you were. you said everything that was impossible to believe and haha i knew what you were and what you turned out... goodnight
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[Tuesday
May 13th, 2008
7:16am] |
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Somethings ill never understand, as why do we love? Why do we like? Why do we have feelings? Why do we are about others? Well I've come to the conclusion I don't. The only thing I need and love is my child and my family. I don't need to waste my time on someone. Honestly I have a million and one problems I don't need theirs. I need to be grown and fix my problems before I can care about someone else. Just speaking my mind goodnight lj.
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| could be better |
[Tuesday
May 13th, 2008
4:42am] |
| [ |
music |
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could you be loved- bob marley |
] |
i'm in serious pain. my stomache hurts so bad. i have no idea what it is i feel so sick like im going to vomit everywhere. and I want to pass out if this keeps up im going to the hospital... i feel like complete donkey shit.
Well i thought i found the perfect guy, but it wasn't so perfect. I wish him the best and I still care but, there is no but. He was the kinda guy who made you wanna smile. He was goofy as hell thats hard to find, very cute, pretty much didn't care what people thought. He still owes me cheesecake tho. I will miss him dearly but I don't know how he feels.
I see me picking up the piece to my life. It'll be in order once dahila comes. I'm seriously debating on moving back to florida. but my whole family seemed to migrated up here lol.. I think my mom wants to come back to. so I have to wait and talk to her about it. And I get my car back yay... My civic is going to be a masshole lol. I'm driving by myself to be with my sister on her babyshower day lol if that made anysense. I'm going to suprise her. I know shes misses me very much so shell be happy her sissy will be there.
For some reason I can't sleep. his all i think about right now, but why he hurt me and completly didn't (how should i say this) give a fuck. He tired to have a retarded conversation with me. I wanted to punch him in the eye. but i couldn't I cared. imagine that KAYLA FUCKING BRIGHT shows emotion towards a human haha.... well i just got a text message. so I think he pretty much hates me. augh i know im a bitch and i act very selfless but my heart hurts so much..... All I wanted was someone to talk to. someone to trust. someone to hold. someone to love. just fucking someone... but now its all gone. kayla will always be that bitch who stands alone in the dark.(my biggest fear) but im ready to accomplish that all on my own. I'm not afarid to be alone. i'm not! i can do it.
YUP I FUCKED THIS ONE UP VERY BAD!!! I'm turning my phone off and falling off this face of the earth. thats what i think i will be doing soon.
fuck it
girl stands alone broken hearted
</3 Kayla Bean
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[Sunday
May 11th, 2008
9:58pm] |
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I have been going thru a lot of crap. Its all getting really old. Ill update later tho.
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[Sunday
May 11th, 2008
7:24pm] |
I fucking hate you trust me i do i want to go home so bad i want everything to be perfect fuck you please
die in a fire sfhslgjs i hate everything
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| FAMILY IS ALL I NEED |
[Saturday
May 10th, 2008
7:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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rilo kiley baby im bad news |
] |
I'm starting to give up on all man kind. Seriously i have like 2844852 things wrong and honestly I don't need anymore. I'm pregnant but im happy about, but there may be something wrong with her, I have to have a biopsies mind you i have to hear the results from it, and i also have abnormal cells and they have no idea what it is. Seriously Lord can I have a break atleast once? can something please go right? I honestly don't deserve this. But everything happens for a reason. and I guess I deserve it right? I do believe my life will improve. it just takes time.. I don't need a guy honestly they dont work out anyway. They are good for what? a headache, talking to? and getting what they want na i'm good with that shit. Friends? haha I have like none and I don't need them all I need is my family. I think honestly my life would be better if i just went back to Florida, here i just feel like invading there space I dont feel I belong, I have alot of issuees im trying to get over thats why im here but being here gave me 9238572935 more. I'm very depressed, sad, mad, and i never believe in myself. thats me i cant help it. i have just been hurt way to much. its to the point that it shouldnt phase me but it does. just feeling unwanted kills me. God just believe in me fix me can you do something other then make me feel this way? I give up.
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[Sunday
April 27th, 2008
4:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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shit |
] |
aughhhhhhhh im bored hahah
love you whores
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| otay |
[Wednesday
February 20th, 2008
3:12pm] |
| [ |
music |
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gym class heros- cupids cokehold |
] |
so i just looked back on my lj days i had my live journal since i was 15 and i thought it was funny i grew up alot since then but i really didnt change i still relaly on a guy to take care of me because i cant realy on my self!!!!
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| im happy |
[Friday
August 17th, 2007
3:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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collie buddz mamacita |
] |
i got my brandnew labtop i love it its pretty and big =]]]] 17" inchs of goodness
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[Sunday
July 15th, 2007
12:26am] |
| [ |
music |
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the used bitches |
] |
all of you are fucking gay kthanks much love i love you bye bye
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| it's july 4th |
[Wednesday
July 4th, 2007
10:42am] |
| [ |
music |
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tegan and sarah i know i know i know |
] |
and i'm not doing a damn thing, but siting on my ass feeling bad for the people i hurt. but wait a minute why feel bad they hurt me more then anyone could ever.... bt ill be fin eon my own i dont need anyone but me.
but hey people who read this need to go to the club tongiht and cheer me up!
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[Wednesday
June 13th, 2007
4:51pm] |
| [ |
music |
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fergi big girls dont cry |
] |
wow sometim eyou really know how to get at me! why do i let you bother me? Maybe because i still care but i shouldnt he doesnt care. I think I really liked/loved that kid. no one has treated me like that and i really do miss being taking care of. I cant believe i let you bother me. you dont even seem to care how i feel. To you im just whatever but hey i will try to get over and do my own things I dont need a guy no i need to find out who i am. I really do fuck love it never works what is love??? yeah a feeling that completly sucks and i think im done bitching about my problems im going out tonight eatng sushi then clubbin thats all i need to worry about im done cryng over you its getting me no where im a hott young girl. i dont need anyone but me
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| This is my blah mood |
[Sunday
May 20th, 2007
5:29pm] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
] |
I don't know how I feel. It's a very weird modd lol. I really don't like it... I want to sleep but at the same time i don't. I think i'm geting sick. yay another week of sickness I cant wait.
I met this new guy Name Andy, he's really super nice. I'm so done looking for new people i'm just going to stick wtih this one and if he doesn't work I'm the next future lesiban. ahaha i'm not kidding but we started dating yesterday. He is omg so amazing he's ..like the best thing that has happen to me yet better then any guy i've met abd he trwats me sooo well...
Anywooaloos I feel pretty retarded right now. I want coffee maybe it'll make me feel better but then again i doubt it. I haven't hung out with my friends in like a week. I think i'm done with little kid shit like yelling at people on beachside it's just getting old. maybe when sumer comes ill be back to my old self but then again maybe not... I dont enjoy going out anymore either..... whats wrong with this party girl i always want to go out but lately i dont.
I think i'm going to go to bed, or watch a movie haha i have a mini dog in my shirt i completely forgot its like a rat lol haha im done goodbye you little fuckers sooooooo long
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[Sunday
May 6th, 2007
3:02am] |
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haha i love drunk people. they are the best now i have to drive to pick up damien because he cant drive!!!! lol i cant sleep josh is over but i just dont feel like laying there anymore so now im on the computer haha my life is gay da da da im done !
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[Friday
May 4th, 2007
6:33pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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| [ |
music |
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avril- girlfriend |
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yesterday to watch you turn me down and leave me for her. I cried because i care and really like you. I cried my whole way home. what a sorry sack of shit i am. why should i care so much if you dont care? Even your best fucking friend said that it was fucked up. you hurt me so bad. I felt like shit. I'm waiting but really what am i waiting on? You to stop fucking with everyone, finally when theres no on left. I'm not going to be waiting forever you know??? Please I asked you once stop playing with my heart and mind. It doesn't feel good in any means. I really care about you and want to be with you, but if you don't please tell me don't lead me on, don't play with my heart!
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| why |
[Friday
May 4th, 2007
6:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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darkest hour |
] |
omg. you have no idea how bored i am. I've been home all day. sat in this damn chair. Ihave money a car but i dont want to get up... I just moved back hme and i hate it here. i miss my old house. my old roomates my old neighbors. damn it i make the dumbest decisions. you see me on the computer so stop talking to me.. I hate it when that lady yells yells for no reason. I htink she needs medicine but she doesnt seem to think so..
I want to go out tonight. but dont feel like. i dont want to get dressed.. omg shut the fuck up lady im busy shut!!!!!!!! pleasse go outside and shut ur fucking mouth.. so im very irratied! this house makes me that way! I hate boys nothing is working out with me! I'm a bitch haha get over it! I need a boy who doesnt play with me heart!
Josh said he was never going to mess with my heart you know what he did yesterday? Katie came over completly left me for her. the night before all he was doing is baby this and babay that im never going to hurt you... I told him i ould wait until he got his trust back but why should i wait if he can talk to different girls and i cannt?? pretty fucked up? yeah i know im just the sucker who falls for the wrong guys i thought he was perfect i mean he still is. I got him a teddy bear a card and lots of other things to tell him how sorry i was. but when he did that to me I stabbed that fucking teddy bear and ran it over quite a few times!
well i think im done im going to shower!
♥ Kayla
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[Thursday
April 26th, 2007
1:02am] |
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i like this boy... not sure what he thinks or if he like me its werid i wish i could read people... but hey i cant i just have to go with the flowww hes so amazing omg this sucks im stuck on a boy
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| sdgfjksdfgkjasdfh fdshjkdf |
[Tuesday
October 31st, 2006
11:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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none! |
] |
So yeah i haven't been on here in like forever....
My bad i'm a little myspace whore now =] isn;t evertone well
I just got my tattoo fixed......... It fucking hurt lol yeah well im outty
ooo yeah i got a new boyfriend =] he's sexy lol
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| Yeah |
[Friday
August 25th, 2006
10:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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big d and the kids table |
] |
well to start off my night I hung out with my boyfriend lalalla..... then his parents atre out of town and he has like these gay kids and i swear to god i could kill them they are like 14 and smoking and drinking... they are so fucking immature not cool.... but im just siting here watching them make a fool of them selves its amusing.
O well I have to work in the morning soo I'm going to bed with my boyfriend!!!
♥ Nighty night kids
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[Sunday
July 23rd, 2006
7:22pm] |
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omfg i havent been on this for ever hi how are you guys??? mhmmm i'm bored and myspace isnt working right now love ya bye
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